Sometimes the best diagnosis doctors offer is ‘stating the obvious’. Clear and loud. We have compiled a hilarious list comprising the most idiotic things doctors had to tell their patients.
It is difficult to imagine doctors saying these while maintaining a poker face. In few incidences, the doctors must have ripped their intestines by controlling a laughter while in some others they had to hold their jaw from dropping to the floor.
Had a lady measure her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.
Have had to inform a few male patients that the condom only goes on the shaft and should not be pulled down to include covering of the testicles.
Vet here… Dead bodies decompose! If you leave your dead dog I euthanised in the back of your car on the hottest day of the year, don’t come crying to me when its belly fills with putrefying gases and bursts. Demanding I cover the costs of reupholstering your car might be considered a little rude as well.
In a free medical clinic I had to tell a mother that she should be brushing her 4 year old’s teeth. The daughter came because her throat hurt. After opening her mouth & using a tongue depressor to see her throat, the daughter squirmed like 4 year olds are prone to do & the tongue depressor hit her gums. Pus flowed everywhere & the child wound-up having to be put on penicillin before having every last tooth pulled due to severe infection.
I once had a patient with a cancer diagnosis completely depressed about not being able to see their family anymore. I was confused because I had spoken with this individual’s spouse and extended family who seemed supportive; there wasn’t any indication of family problems, etc.
It turns out that this individual thought “genetic” and “family history” had meant something similar to “contagious”, leading them to the conclusion that one should stay away from loved ones lest it be spread through the family.
That was one clarification I was so happy to give.