Drill Sergeant is someone who the new military recruits dread. They are the ones who train future US Army officers and it is one tough job. During this basic training, new recruits sometimes have several moments of gut-ripping laughter and sometimes they have to bear the brunt.
We have seen in movies how acerbic yet hilarious comments Drill Sergeants can make. Sometimes I wonder are they specially trained to amuse new recruits?
Here we have compiled the funniest comments which new recruits ACTUALLY heard a drill sergeant say.
“I am going to take a sh*t in a box and send it to your parents for sending me theirs!”
One of our warrant officers took my glasses, drew a crosshair on one of the lenses and introduced me as a “future soldier” to a colonel who was inspecting our training.
My battle buddy and I were ordered to dig holes, so when were about to our waist he proceeded to turn on a hose. He started to fill the holes with water and told us to stay in the hole. Another drill sergeant walks by and asks him what he’s doing. He says “I’m watering my petunias”.
We came back from a run one night, it just was starting to snow. We came back to see all out bunks and lockers had been thrown out. I being not the smartest Pvt. said “I could have sworn I made my bed”– drill sergeant was behind me. I painted a fence at midnight in the snow for three hours. I almost cried the whole time while painting that damn fence.
We were marching back from our mock PT test and the tornado sirens began to go off (Navy boot camp is in Illinois) and we look to our right and there’s a tornado forming a couple football fields away in the middle of base. Our RDC, who was already irritated by our failure to line up in time starts yelling “RUN, F*CKERS, RUN!!” And two whole divisions of about 180 people break formation and begin to run to our barracks for our lives. At the time it was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life, but in hindsight it was actually pretty funny because the RDC caught a lot of sh*t from other RDCs for doing that. He would explain to us, “What the f*ck was I supposed to do? Keep you sh*t heads in rank? Am I supposed to tell you, oh no stay in formation! Keep marching! F*ck no, I’m not trying to die in this sh*thole.”
A recruit interrupted the Chief to say, “Chief, there’s a bunny rabbit behind you.”
Chief looked like his brain had actually shorted out, then responded, “Is it armed?”
We had this awesome Staff Sergeant in AIT who brought a sledgehammer he named Mjolnir – Thor’s hammer – everywhere with him. If he caught you f*cking up, he would hand you the hammer and tell you to go dig a hole with it.
“That’s not 4 inches Private! Your girlfriend has been lying to you”
“If I wanted to hear sh*t, I would have farted!
We do a lot of aid training, such as CPR, wound healing, exposed intestines, chest hole fix, etc etc. The fun stuff. In training, one of the steps is to tell someone to call 911. Specifically point at them and direct them. In combat, this switches to pointing at someone to go get the medic.
We were all lined up at our bunks at the end of the day and the drill instructor was talking. The same as you can see in movies like Full Metal Jacket.
As his final words, he is dictating whom is going to do fire watch for the night. Fire watch is basically someone standing at the main door who guards sleeping recruits and also watched out for any fires or anything else that could kill us in our sleep. There are always two people on watch in our platoon of about 60.
He points at one recruit and says “You, go stand fire watch in the front.”
He points at another recruit and says, “You, get dressed for fire watch too.”
He points at a third recruit. He hesitates because he realizes that he’s already picked two. He suddenly says, “You….” …. “Go call 911.”
Funniest thing that happened in all of boot camp. He let us all laugh for about 3 seconds and then told “alright now…enough.”